


The Garden of Gethsemane

by menthechocolat



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/menthechocolat/pseuds/menthechocolat
Summary: It's the morning of November 19th and Akira just wants one more peaceful morning together before the inevitable. Unfortunately, he can feel himself slowly succumbing to the tension as the minutes tick by. Its even more maddening to watch the other party continue as though nothing is wrong.Because nothing is wrong, right?





	The Garden of Gethsemane

47 And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people.  
48 Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast.  
49 And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.  
Matthew 26: 47-49

 

They had a knack for waking up at the same time in the morning. Normally they would trade coy smiles. Akira may take a minute to recount his favorite events of their evening while Goro would shove his face into the one pillow that they shared, blush rising to the very tips of his ears. It would always take Goro awhile to get dressed, possibly taking the time to hastily press his clothes if they got wrinkled. Akira would pull on pants and deliriously wander downstairs to make them coffee. They would often stand at the sink of the public restroom in LeBlanc to brush their teeth together after enjoying the caffeine boost, and share the tiny mirror and a hair brush. One final kiss goodbye at the entrance was usually the ending to their sporadic encounters, and they managed all of this before Sojiro would arrive at the cafe for morning prep work.

So what made November the 19th any different?

Akira hadn’t slept a bit. Had minutes or hours passed? When the room began to filter in the cool light at first daybreak his teeth chattered quietly in nervous anticipation. The glow allowed him to carefully study the beautiful sleeping face next to his. Goro finally stirred slightly as the light trickled in; He let out a blissfully content hum and snuggled towards Akira’s chest. Soft honey hair tickled his warm skin, and he tilted down to kiss the top of Goro’s head.

But only after Akira’s eyes widened in horror at the small act of affection coming from his partner, whose intentions were to betray and murder him in the next couple of days. Yet here he was, blissfully content to sleep beside him.

Just who was this monster he had been allowing into his bed?

“You're warm.” Goro sighed into his chest. Every hair on Akira’s body stood on end.

“I dunno. My feet are pretty cold,” he croaked.

“Mine are too.”

Silence. Silence. Silence. Nervous silence.

“You're awfully tight lipped this morning,” Goro noted. Whether he meant to or not, it heightened the tension. Akira felt like his heart might stop.

“I'm still waking up, I guess,” he lied. Waking up would imply that he had slept at all. Sleep had not come to him as easily as it came to Goro last night.

Goro removed himself from Akira’s warmth to look at the dark haired boy’s face. Akira was certain he looked like a disaster, but his stare back was unwavering.

“You look terrible,” Goro noted, his eyebrows drawn together with concern. The mind games began: was he concerned for Akira, in such a sad state with dark circles beneath his dull eyes and his lips thinned in a serious line, or concerned for his own well being? That Akira knew about his plan to put an end to his life? Surprisingly alert and thoughtful red eyes examined his face carefully; twin irises swept from side to side to examine each detail and note each irregularity.

Goro brought a hand outside of the sheets to pet Akira’s cheek softly. He paused before asking.

“Are you alright?”

A loaded question. Answering no proves he’s a liar and would garner even more suspicion. Answering yes proves that he’s weak and affected by something, and would give his lover reason to push for answers.

Akira managed a dark smirk; his snark wasn't completely dulled simply by exhaustion.

“What do you think? I need some coffee and ibuprofen. Not in that order, though. Wanna be a good friend and help me out?”

Goro blinked, shaken out of his line of questioning.

“Oh. I didn't think of that.”

“Ohh?” Akira, voice still throaty and teasing, inched his way over to Goro’s face on the pillow, “I'm hurt that you didn't think of that first especially after how unrelenting you were-”

“Okay! Okay! I'll get it for you!” Goro griped and shot out of bed before Akira could even see his cheeks burning red. There was something eerily abnormal with the normalcy. Akira felt more and more sick to his stomach as each moment ticked by. Goro was a damn good actor. It wasn't that Akira wasn't also good at bending the truth here and there, or hiding behind thick sarcasm and teasing, but the web of false faces Goro had spun around himself was terrifying on multiple levels. Playing along with an expert of masking his true identity wasn't easy, but he could try to fake it behind smoke and mirrors for the sake of this morning- their final morning together.

As Goro snooped through his shelves, searching for pain reliever, Akira let his hand move underneath the crumpled sheets from where Goro just rose, savoring his body heat. Already the feeling was leaving the material as it cooled in the chilly attic. That would be the last time that Goro would ever lay next to him. The weight of reality slowly pressed into his chest and his anxiety over it threatened to break him. He swallowed and bit his lip as he felt himself coming close to losing it after such a simple realization. Akira nearly jumped out of his skin when the bottle of medicine hit the bed, the pills loosely rattling inside.

“Don't forget to take two of them,” Goro reminded him with his arms crossed, “You always try to take just one to be tough and it's never enough. I'd rather not get texts in the middle of class today about your state after...well, you know.”

“Right. After a night of rough sex. I'll probably text you during the day about it regardless; It's my favorite thing to discuss with you and all. Thanks.” Akira sat up, spun the top off, and shook two pills into his palm. He paused, “No water?”

Goro’s smile beamed like the rays of sunshine that lit his pale skin from the window.

“Oh, I think you can manage. Otherwise, choke and die.”

He laughed lightly at his own joke. Normally, the cute banter from him would warm Akira up with some laughter as well, but today it was like a cold bucket of water. His shoulders shook involuntarily in fear.

_You would like that, wouldn't you?_

Akira did manage to get both pills down without choking, but it was difficult when his throat was so dry. It was unfortunate that the simple pain reliever couldn't touch the excruciating shattering of his heart as he watched Goro go through his routine as if nothing was wrong. As if he wasn't even affected by his future nefarious plans whatsoever. Akira found it chilling, but impressive. How did Goro come to be so twisted? The honey haired ace detective was still a child in so many ways, but it was as if he was forced to mature prematurely. Akira was so curious, but he had hardly gotten the chance to scratch the surface of the shell that Goro used to protect his heart. Even more perplexing was how his own heart chose to become infatuated with someone who only wanted him dead. Akira closely watched his detective prince get dressed, admiring how his fingers carefully popped each button through the buttonholes, his frustrated curses beneath his breath when he realized he skipped a button, and even how cutely his hips wiggled to get into his flattering black slacks. Akira wanted to weave each moment of this morning into a tapestry of precious memories with his heart’s desire.

“What are you staring at?” Goro looked irritated with him for his presumed laziness. No. Please, god, no. He didn't want this moment to end. He wanted nothing more than to just watch Goro get ready forever in his musty attic hideaway. Better yet, he wanted to invite him back into bed and light the sheets on fire with his warmth, his beauty. He wanted to rip off his mask of a sweet disposition, play with his bad attitude after teasing, and coax his uncertain reluctance to evolve into passionate eagerness. He wanted it all, especially the hidden and mysterious sides of his lover that he had yet to touch but-

“Right, sorry. Coffee time.”

It wasn't meant to be. Akira untangled himself from his sheets, pausing once more to have his palm sweep over where Goro once laid. It was undeniably cold, evidence of the time that they spent diminished into thin air.

Unable to linger any longer, Akira slipped some pants on and trudged downstairs. He got to work straightaway crafting Goro’s favorite blend; something he concocted especially for him after he would stay the night. The sweet notes of vanilla mixed with the toasty scent of fresh coffee filled the cafe the moment he ground the beans. He took out a white cup and saucer used for customers for Goro, but just an older mug for himself as he usually did. He poured over the coffee carefully and distributed most of it into Goro’s cup, along with a teaspoon of raw sugar and a teaspoon of honey. He splashed whatever liquid was leftover into his mug without thought. He steamed the milk and began to artfully pour it into the cup just as heard Goro coming down the stairs, still trying to arrange his tie. His jacket was slung over one arm and he had a few other items he brought down as well.

“Your coffee's ready,” Akira called over to Goro, who was depositing their toothbrushes in the bathroom for later. He marched right out of the bathroom and shoved a shirt towards him with a small frustrated frown on his lips.

“It's freezing and you're walking around without a shirt. You'll catch a cold. Plus it's just indecent. Anyone could just look into the cafe windows and see you. Here.”

Akira had a moment of brief surprise.

“Thanks,” Akira muttered after he slipped the long-sleeved shirt over his head. He played with the hem at the bottom before turning around to clean up the mess he made on the back counter.

_Why do you even care? If you had your way my body would be cold and dead. Stop. Stop making me fall for you. It's too much._

“It smells great,” Goro remarked as he slid into his regular seat across the counter. He pulled out his phone and got to work responding to messages he had left untouched after Akira greedily pulled him up to his bed last night.

Akira nursed the small amount of coffee that he saved for himself while he watched Goro savor his. It looked like he was quietly enjoying himself as he took cute, tiny sips. His beautiful eyes seemed to get a light sparkle as he rapidly drained the mug while responding to work emails with impressive concentration. This morning was every bit as torturous as Akira imagined and he felt his lips pull into a small, lonely smile. He was the one that practically had to beg Goro to come and stay when the team split up after exploring Mementos as a warm up the evening before. He knew today would be difficult. He swore he was the worst sort of masochist for putting himself through this, but he just wanted one more simple, peaceful morning with Goro. If that cost him his sanity, then he would gladly throw it away. He took a shallow breath to steady himself, but the gnawing unease would not allow him relief.

It didn't take long for the two of them to finish their coffee. Goro smiled brightly at the end and complimented that it was “delicious, as always!”

“Glad you enjoyed it.”

Akira’s voice probably sounded a bit more monotone than he intended, but he was shaken after picking up the emptied cup. This would be the last cup of coffee that he could ever make for Goro. There was no time to pause and savor the moment, but he did notice that Goro had left the smallest sip at the bottom of the cup. He drank the last bit himself before washing it. The initial taste was sweet and creamy, but the aftertaste on his tongue was bitter and unsatisfying, a poetic parallel.

They each washed their face and then brushed teeth together. Goro spent time trying to fix his hair while Akira just watched him. His hair was always a mess so there wasn't much point, but it was cute to watch Goro arrange and fuss over his hair when it pretty much looked the same no matter what he did to it.

When Goro was finally satisfied, he left the bathroom with Akira slowly following him quietly like a shadow. As difficult as it was not to explode, he still didn't want this to end. This was the last time for so many things, and he just wasn't ready to end everything. He studied the grimy tiled floor, full of regret and desperation.

_Why Goro? Why are you betraying me? I like you so much. I wish that you could tell me…just open up to me._

“Alright. It's time for me to depart,” Goro said in a sickening singsong sort of way. Akira’s felt his heart thundering quick and heavy beats in his ears. This was it. This was the end. He was going to just walk out the door and that would be it.

_He’s just been playing with me this whole time. And it started off the same for me, too, but….somewhere along the line I must've..._

Goro went to pull his coat on and Akira stepped over to help him. One arm and then the other, it slipped onto him neatly. Goro went to fasten the buttons, but Akira stopped him.

“Let me.”

He took his time carefully fastening each large black button.

Top right  
Middle right  
Bottom right  
Top left  
Middle left  
Bottom left

He smoothed the lapels down and even straightened his tie. They were so close.

“Perfect,” Akira’s whisper was so subdued and almost tickled through Goro’s ears.

Goro sharply inhaled, a small blush had creeped across his cheeks to authenticate the reflex. Their eyes met and they steadily held each other's gaze. Inside Akira was pleading for him to say something, anything to just give it all up and be genuine with him. Why did they have to be enemies when they could be together? He could make him happy; Truly happy. Goro just needed to open up to him a little more. It was his last chance. Was it worth losing this?

_Goro...just what are you fighting for? Why do you have to betray me? Do you hate me so much? Please. You're breaking my heart._

“Are you sure you're alright? You seem distracted this morning,” Goro whispered back. His eyes were frigid, all walls around his heart erect and solid. In a last ditch effort, Akira took his gloved hands into his own, noting that he would never get to feel his soft, slender fingers entwine into his again. He already began to curse himself inwardly for not holding his hands prior to him covering them up.

“Before you go I wanted to tell you something. You don't have to say anything back, no pressure at all, I just need you to listen to me.”

Goro gave him one solid nod as the go ahead, and Akira gave his hands a squeeze as a thank you.

“Goro. Goro, I like you. When we are together I can't even explain how happy it makes me. Our ideals, our opinions, we don't always see eye to eye, and I think that's okay. It's really good, actually. You challenge me, and you make me better because of it. There is no clear definition of what we've been doing together and that's fine. That's completely fine. Getting to know you, getting to spend time with you, has been incredible. I really do like you, so I just wanted you to know it.”

Goro’s eyes were blown wide and his eyebrows raised in surprise. He was taken aback, but Akira held his stare, his tired eyes intense with fanned flames from his confession. His face inched closer to Goro’s and their noses bumped against one another.

Goro’s eyes shifted to the side with uncertainty. Maybe he didn't know how to lie in this situation. Akira didn't want to give him a chance.

“I-” Goro began, but Akira silenced him.

“Don't.” Akira’s breath against his lips murmured and he pushed forward to close the gap between them. Their lips touched lightly, sweetly, and Goro returned the kiss with a soft gentleness, albeit a little stiff and unsure. They had never met one another like this before, with such mixed feelings and high tension. Akira’s eyes were clenched shut and he prayed that tears wouldn't spill although he could feel his eyes watering. He had put everything on the line that he could without endangering his own scheme to counter Goro. Fear entwined around his heart when he ended their kiss. Eyes still shut, he stretched his neck to kiss Goro’s forehead. When he pulled away and reluctantly opened his eyes, it was just as he had been afraid of.

Goro had his signature wide smile on his face that he used to charm and fool the public. It was the sterile facade that he fed to everyone. It widened and he tilted his head to the side cutely. Akira’s grip on his hands went slack and he was able to pull his fingers from his grasp. A cold gloved hand stroked Akira's cheek and his skin crawled. The monster before him was truly a terrifying foe.

“Have a good day. I'll see you later.”

And with that, the traitor offered his leader a final small peck on the lips before turning around on his heels, grabbing his briefcase, and exiting LeBlanc, concluding the beginning of the end and leaving Akira completely and utterly empty and heartbroken.

 

////

He immediately felt disoriented. His steps felt heavy, yet unsteady. Each time his feet hit the pavement he swore it might crack through the earth itself. His ankle rolled and he grunted when his shoulder slammed into a tall fence outside of a random residency near the outside of LeBlanc.

A sudden splitting headache.  
A creeping feeling of nausea that persisted since the moment he woke up.  
Tightness in his chest that made his veins feel like they were contracting and slowing blood flow.

Goro needed to find an unoccupied alleyway as soon as possible because he felt like his stomach was about to turn inside out. A couple middle school girls passed by him, watching him with disgust and whispering to one another behind their palms. He could feel the cold sweat beading down his back and his limbs begin to tremor and grow numb. Shit.

He finally found a dim, grimy alley that warm sunlight couldn't quite touch behind a konbini and a few restaurants. Critters scattered and fled to sanctuary behind garbage cans and dumpsters as he fell onto the concrete on hands and knees without regard to anything around him. He heaved and spilled whatever little had been in his stomach and tears began to flow freely from his eyes.

_Why?!_

Why did Akira have to say something like that?! Was it just to confuse him? Was it to set him off? See him slip up? Did he somehow know? No. Nonono. That's impossible. He couldn't know. An preposterous concept. A ridiculous notion.

But he couldn't stop the sloppy tears dripping down his chin as he crawled to a wall behind a filthy garbage can to collapse. He leaned against a wall and drew his legs up to hold and let his chin settle at his chest while he bit his lip to stop his sobbing. God! What was all of this unexpected excruciating pain, and where was it coming from?

Lying was second nature to him. It was an aspect of his life that he felt he had nearly perfected. He had kept up a spellbinding facade for so long that he was a genuine expert of switching himself off and on, but there was just something about that delinquent that made the switch short circuit in a mess of electrifying sparks. He could manage to keep it together for the most part, but today had been especially difficult. Not that it mattered in the slightest, but that was the last time he would lie beside Akira, the last time he would get to enjoy Akira's coffee, and the last time they could share a secret, sweet moment together before each putting on separate masks and continuing on with an everyday life of plastic placidity. Goro felt his heart painfully thunder in his chest and his skull slowly split as his mind forced him to relive each painful memory of his life from the past hour. These intense feelings were so foreign and inexplicable for the clever traitor who thought that he had everything figured out.

He had only started fucking Akira to get information about the Phantom Thieves straight from their leader. He continued to do so after he started to work undercover because Akira basically begged him to….right?

It wasn't because of the way his light eyes peered at him curiously behind his thick framed glasses. It wasn't his sexy dark hair, his slender body, dexterous hands that knew exactly which buttons to push. It certainly wasn't the way he teased him to the point of snapping, nor the kind, quiet companionship he offered. No. Because Goro didn't need any of these things. There were not necessary. He had made it his life’s work to destroy his father. It would be his magnum opus to finally stab that bastard in the back after all of the terrible things he'd done, and here was Akira threatening to jeopardize his years of hard work and sacrifice? His aim denied Goro’s very existence. He had no choice. He had to get rid of him. He had to betray him and discard him because he had more important things to deal with than some boy he liked and felt the need to be around.

Wait. No. He hated Akira. He didn't like him at all. He hated him, and he sure didn't need him.

_But he likes you?_

That's a lie.

 _Why_ would he? _How_ could he? They hardly even knew one another. Akira certainly didn't know the real him- the disgusting side of himself that he kept so well hidden behind perfect pleasantness. He was the actual worst. It was completely impossible. It had to be some sick joke. Goro grit his teeth and his fingers curled into tense fists as he struggled to keep his anger and confusion from swallowing him up entirely.

Goro spiraled in mental anguish and continued to deny over and over his peculiar feelings for the pathetic boy that lived in a dirty attic that he had never felt so at ease and alive with.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I hope that you enjoyed this small work and that you feel sufficiently empty by it.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. Concrit and pointing out my errors is totally fine; please do! I need to get better. Also, I love making new Akeshu/Shuake buddies so DM me at mintchoconae on twitter/insta if you wanna be instantbestfriends and discuss these sweet babies with me.


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